the last christmas I remember

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last christmas i remember. 2021.

on christmas eve i tracked santas path online, i made sure to go to bed before he was supposed to fly over.


i wore my red christmas pjyamas,
i lit my advent candle.
i watched home alone & miracle on 24th street.
i hung up beautiful tinsel.
i made a whole christmas dinner for me and my mama.

i sung christmas carols and i went for wintery walks. 

the last christmas i remember.


somehow, now it's 2024.
i can't watch home alone or miracle on 34th street.
it hurts too much to track santa, and there's no longer anything i wish for except to undo this.
i can't wear my red christmas pyjamas.

i'm crying too much to hang the beautiful tinsel.
i can't sing christmas carols anymore.
and i will miss the wintery walks.


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