i regret every coincidence that caused this

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i wish i wasn't in the small percentage of people that caught it at home during a personal medical crisis that needed urgent intervention and action. i never took risks without my mask on except having one visitor and i'm so sad and scared that it ended this way

i just wanted the pain i was in to lessen and instead i got pain a million times worse i am so scared. i am so sad. 

in the past 2.5 yrs i would’ve watched so many movies and so many tv shows

i would’ve played so much piano


i would’ve helped my mom so much and spent so much time with her and matsan


I wish i never got sick how i did i wish i didn’t have to lose almost everything this way

I used to have lots of wishes growing up but i don’t anymore.
i'm so broken and hurt i didn't think it was possible to be this broken and hurt in my lifetime. 

all i have left is wishing this wasn't real wasn't happening and wishing i could go back and watch another episode of always sunny, or play another of my favourite songs on the piano 

or take another walk in the sun, or ride my bike one more time.

but most importantly i would've not been housebound and chair bound and crying 8 hours a day bc it hurts and im too sensitive for this


the tears burn no matter how much water I drink


i've started to fall into such a deep depression over the way me and my mamas life has gone. i'm so sorry mama. i'm so sorry everyone. i'm so sorry me. 

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