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i feel like a ghost in what’s left of my home surrounded by all the things i once loved that i can no longer interact with 

no matter what traumas or injuries i had in the past i was always me throughout it.
no matter the traumatic life incident, i could always watch something or take my mind off it with a walk and listen to the birds, or do something i loved.

nothing in life could’ve prepared me for experiencing losing what you know your brain, body and personality to be like through a viral infection.


Even still my mom only speaks nothing but good and with kindness of the person that brought covid into our home and by proxy got her daughter disabled and left both of our lives shattered,

I don't speak of them negatively at all or think of them negatively, but I can't bring myself to speak of them with the amount of love she does.

She still talks kindly of them. She has more kindness in her than I'll ever know and she didn't deserve her life going this way.



Unrelated: I can’t bring myself to care that I've ruined my public image and destroyed my social media.

it used to be my livelihood after I lost my job as a carer during the pandemic, but I can’t bring myself to care, about anything to do with money or hopes or dreams anymore.

because the girl that had all those hopes and dreams in the first place is gone anyway, and I won't be able to physically do or enjoy anything my heart used to dream of.

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