6:40 am unable to sleep sick, for the 800th day in a row.

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me getting covid when i did and how i did destroyed everything i knew about my life and everything about me as a person and hurt my mama and matsan and everyone in my life.

and that's all there is to it. it's over. it can't be undone. and it just really. really. hurts. the kind of pain that makes your stomach drop out from beneath you and makes you cry so hard no noise comes out, in the way that hurts your chest so bad.

im not trying to whine or complain or be dramatic. i am just hurting so unbelievably bad. my heart hurts so unbelievably hard. 

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